Life has a way of passing by far too quickly. It has already been a month and a half since Adalie was born, which seems crazy to me. If you would have asked me how I thought I would be coping a month and a half after her birth, I wouldn’t have had a clue.
I still think about her every single day, and imagine how different life would be right now if she were still here. I think about moving from our apartment to our new home, preparing the nursery, celebrating a gender reveal, having a shower, and of course bringing our precious baby girl home.
I have good days, and of course bad days, but I’ve found the most important thing to me now is protecting Adalie’s memory. As I was scrolling through Facebook a few weeks ago, I came across a post that said, “When a baby is born, it’s a mother’s instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it’s the mother’s instinct to protect their memory.”
This statement could not be more spot-on. I am constantly thinking of ways to memorialize and celebrate her life. So far, Ryan and I have purchased a brick that will be placed in the Garden of Hope at a local church (through a great organization called M.E.N.D.). The brick will have a butterfly on it, and will read:
In Loving Memory of
Adalie Grace Potts
June 30, 2017
Chelsea & Ryan Potts
Psalm 139: 13-18
M.E.N.D. holds a yearly walk in October called Walk to Remember, where we will be able to visit her brick, and walk for pregnancy & infant loss awareness. With the help from family and friends, we will also be donating a tree to the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens, in memory of Adalie; I can’t wait to watch it grow!
Although I am trying to make traditions, and memorialize her in every way I can think of, the fear of memories fading is what prompted me to write this post.
At this point, I have gone back to work, gotten back into a routine, and life has for the most part been seemingly normal. With this normalcy has come the longing to have another baby, which begs the question, how soon is too soon?
Is there a magic number? 1…2…3…6 months… 1 year? If you ask my doctor, I am physically in the clear after 2 menstrual cycles. If you ask Ryan, the answer is, “I don’t know, let’s see what happens.” If you ask me, I feel like I am ready.
In a perfect world, you would just know as a couple when the right time is. We don’t; not now. I guess we will see what happens.