It has been a minute…or nearly a year since I have posted. Today marks my third Mother’s Day without Adalie, and my second Mother’s Day being Keaton’s mama. This day elicits a lot of mixed emotions: happiness, sadness, and love above all. It has been difficult this year not being able to share this day with close family due to COVID-19. Shout out to my mother and mother-in-law for the wonderful moms (and grandmas) they are. You both rock!
Though difficult, I remind myself that this too shall pass. Today I found myself getting irritated because I was opening Adalie’s box, and Keaton kept grabbing the pictures inside. Then he picked up a picture of her tiny feet, and perfect toes, and exclaimed, “toes, feet, shoes!” Pause for all the emotions.
I hadn’t planned to take all of Adalie’s pictures out, but Keaton’s reaction to that picture, and his sweet voice sent memories flooding into my mind.
It was then that I felt guilty. Guilty because I had the most perfect little guy in front of me, and I was irritated. Guilty because I felt like I was taking motherhood for granted. Guilty for imagining a life with Adalie here, because if she were here, Keaton would not be.
Truth be told, I wouldn’t change anything. I try to give myself grace on days like today because I know how lucky I am. I am lucky to have someone who calls me mommy, and I am lucky to have learned valuable things from each of my children.
Adalie’s little soul has touched so many, and she has taught me to see new perspectives, be more compassionate, and trust in God. Keaton has shown me a love that I didn’t know was possible.
I have also been blessed in another way. I wrote about a career change a while back, and I am happy to say that I’ve added some letters behind my name.
Chelsea Potts, BSN, RN
I am a nurse now! I will be working on a Labor and Delivery unit, and I am just waiting to start. I don’t start until the end of June, but I would start tomorrow if I could. I am beyond thrilled to jump in, continue learning, and support all the mamas I’m given the opportunity to. I feel like I’m on the right track to “do what I love, and love what I do.”
Who knows? Maybe next Mother’s Day, I’ll be helping another mom bring a new baby into this world.